I will start off by saying I am still alive. I’m sorry I disappeared for a while, but I guess spring time is always hectic, even when you’re not in school to be distracted with “Spring fever” from school and all the exams taken place.
So what exactly has been on my mind lately? Well, a lot of things to tell you the truth. But I will try to only talk about a few so I don’t take up much of your time. I’m sharing my “journey” this week during bible study to the girls. I would think that I would be very nervous because this is the first time that I have ever shared my testimony. I know… isn’t that crazy: you would think it’s something I would have shared many of times, but it’s actually something that I have always ran from. Why would my testimony mean anything to others? What possibly can they receive out of mine?
The reason I say that is because I never had a huge downfall, or never found myself just drowning hardcore in unspeakable sin. Now, I’m not saying that I’ve never sinned before, because heaven knows I have, but let’s just say my sin could be a lot worse. So I’ve just been thinking, “how can I spice up my testimony to make it sound like God swooped in and saved me from the wretched fire?!”
Then last night God spoke to me. Another leader of YL was sharing her testimony and she was saying the exact same thing. How she never really was into drugs or sleeping around or anything like that but she still needed to be saved from her daily sin. God spoke to me and said, “Amanda, you have a wonderful story to share, I know, I wrote it.” It hit me right there that God’s Grace…oh can I say that one more time…God’s Grace is amazing. Gosh, that’s another saying that I just get chills when I hear and say. I was lost and God’s Grace saved me.
And because I am so lucky to be showered with God’s Grace, it is becoming easier to trust him. Everyday I wake up and pray for patience. I don’t have any. I really don’t and I have to remind myself daily that it is not of my plan, but of his. This is where I struggle the most. But a long with patience I pray for the WILLINGNESS to trust God. Yeah, I know, I just said that I trust him, but when I trust him without having the patience to allow things to happen on his agenda, I am doubting him, and taking away that trust I so abundantly have in him.
This morning I woke up, and as usual read my “Jesus Calling” devotion. And I laughed and smiled because it basically said, “STOP trying to read into the future. Take one step at a time. Trust in me.” I laughed because all night I was trying to read into the future and predict when things in my life might change. Should I cut certain things out of my life, or should I just let it stay for the time being? (I think basically I’m waiting for God to come out of a UFO and tell me exactly what to do). So when I read that this morning, I just heard a tone that was saying, “geez, give it up. This is not your job, it’s mine.” Isn’t it amazing when you pray to have a conversation with God and it happens immediately? That was my prayer all day yesterday, I didn’t want to have a one way conversation with God, I wanted to start hearing him and I wanted my prayer time to be a complete conversation with him. And it was. All morning long, I’ve not only heard him speak to me, but I have felt him here with me, and there is not a better feeling in the world.
I hope you all have a wonderful day and as always, I’m praying for you.
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