"And Who am I to Deserve this Grace?"

I am a believer. I believe that God created the world and on the 7th day, he rested. I believe that God sent his son, Jesus, who died on the cross for me. And I believe that He rose 3 days later.  Crazy, isn't it? But it's true, I do. ( Now you might be asking (in my best impersonation)  "now how he do that???" And that's when I would ask, "Who would be the only one who would be able to do that?" ) However, I did not start this blog to try to convert you. I started it as a way to write my thoughts of how marvelous what I believe in is and how it affects my life. So you have the choice of labeling me off, never to read another post again, or continue to read how miraculous my Jesus is.

"Miraculous??" you may ask. Now I do not have any examples of him giving me a million dollars when I ask for it, or giving me the ability to walk on water, as Peter did, or missing that deer that ran out in front of my new car, or even seeing an angel. But he's there, trust me. It's like the "Polar Express" : you can't hear the bell unless you believe. Once you believe in a God so powerful, you know all goodness is because of him.

I don't talk to a lot of people about what I believe and how deep my trust in is in this being that I can't touch or see. So this might be a little random, but I'm known to be scatter brained- it's just one of my character traits! So sorry if it's hard to stay tuned. Maybe I'll get better at this blogging thing with experience.

This weekend was the most powerful weekend I have had in a while. For those of you who don't know, I am a volunteer leader with YoungLife, an organization that reaches out to high school students. We give them a place to escape and experience fun, games, and hopefully experiencing some discipleship in there too. To be a leader to seventeen beautiful girls this weekend and learn more about them is just amazing, yes scary, but amazing! I was so excited to be there for them as they experienced the word of God and his presence. Not only was I excited for them, but for myself to experience God and his "magic" as well. And, I did.

Something that I have been experiencing lately is emotions. Yes, I'm a girl, so I'm emotional anyways/ always. But it's different. When I say how amazing God's love for me is, I just can't help but tear up. I want to share it with EVERYONE! I'm just so excited for people to experience what I have.  I'm amazed at the thought of someone readily taking away my burdens and my stress; for heaven knows I am a person who stresses, a little more than normal. However, the most awesome thing is that Jesus says "you know what, Amanda. I don't care how many burdens you have today, I want them ALL." Now I'm not saying it's easy to give up my burdens, because it sure as heck isn't. A little secret about me is that I like to be in control. I like to fix things myself before I try the "Jesus way." "Am I ever successful??" you may ask.  I will give you one chance to answer that: HECK NO. The sad thing is that when we're too stubborn to lay 'em down, we are actually doubting our Jesus. We are saying that we think we can resolve it better than he ever could. And Jesus is just looking at us, wanting to say, "REALLY?? you think you can handle it better than a man that was crucified and managed to RAISE from the grave? aight , let's see what ya got." I think it's safe to say no one has quite topped that. Do I wish I could? No, because why do I want to take all that on for myself when Jesus is begging me with nails in his hands and feet, after being whipped 39 times, and suffocating, hanging on the cross, whispering, "Amanda, Daughter, it's okay. I can take whatever you need to give me, just trust me." Just trust him. I don't know about you, but I just got chills.

One of the girls this weekend said something  that put the most beautiful image in my head. During her quiet time she became content at the thought of Jesus going through the pain he did. Yeah, I know it sounds really weird, and I would never want that for my son like Mary had been told it would happen. But she said that when she thinks of him experiencing each whip (just a reminder: 39. why 39? because 40 was known to kill a man) she imagined Jesus looking her straight in her eyes saying each time he received a whipping: "Beautiful", "I love you." "You're my daughter." "You're gorgeous." When she said that I couldn't help but to have tears run down my cheeks. Granted I was already on the verge of tears, but how beautiful is that, to think of it as being such a personal experience, that he had me on his mind when he was suffering. He knew I would come to him with sin, and he was thinking about accepting that sin as that whip wrapped around his body, exposing his ribs, his intestines, his spine, his kidneys. Why would we want to insult Jesus so much saying he can't handle our sin. So he can handle beatings, humiliation, and crucifixion but he can't handle our little burdens and daily stresses? I think to every one who doubts that, we can do a little Jack Nicholson by yelling, "You can't handle the truth!!!" Maybe it's us who has trouble accepting and handling how amazing our God is.

So until future post, just think and ponder, "Who am I to deserve this grace?" What would your answer be?